Sunday, August 31, 2008

An Update for you, yes you! Hooray!

A man recently approached me and said “Yo Joseph, why no posts in the last month?”, and without giving me a chance to reply, he promptly kicked me in the crotch, dropping me like a sack-full of dead mice. As I sat there, pondering the pain, the question he asked began to take root. Guilt seized me, as I knowingly had shirked my duty to keep the Children Kids fans up to date on our progress, thus, making the crotch in my heart hurt more than the crotch that was kicked. But I needed to chase that guilt away with more important matters, like, "Who could I kick in the crotch?" After a couple of sleepless nights trying to remember all who have wronged me, and ranking them in order from who deserves the hardest kick to the crotch, down to those who just needed to be threatened with one, the crotch in my brain started to ache so I consulted with a dear friend on how to remedy my problems. Our walk and talk began badly as we both stepped in dog crap, but we walked and talked on. He told me that I needed to stop wasting time and energy on revenge lists. He told me that I was a negative person, and needed to focus on more positive things. This made the crotch in my pride hurt. A distraction was needed, so I swung my leg upwards ever upwards, in an attempt to kick him in the crotch, but he was expecting it, and had already made his move. His foot was well on its way to making contact with my crotch. My fear was realized, as the pain from the solid boot to the groin somehow made a blood vessel burst in my eye. This attack made the crotch in my crotch hurt. My friend slash crotch assassin helped me to my feet, but the pain was too much and I passed out. I awoke, sitting across from my friend in a booth at Denny’s with blueberry pancakes in front of me. As I sat there, grateful for pancakes, I looked out the window and could only see one set of dog crap footprints on the sidewalk. I turned to my friend and asked why there was only one set of dog crap foot prints, to which he replied, “It was then that I carried you...and you threw up blood all over my back.”

Also, Children Kids is coming along. More updates to follow.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

something to see!

about a month ago we were working on a proposal and came up with a relatively concise and appealing description of what children kids is. and then a couple weeks later, BERK left us for ComicCon. So while he was gone, the rest of us decided to throw the above-mentioned description with some music and art. It was supposed to be a weekend activity. It took us a few weeks. That's the speed we work at here in squatterStudios. We don't do nothin if we don't do it right and take 5x longer doing it than originally expected.
At any rate…


go on, check it out!! i don't just use exclamation points and all-caps all willy-nilly like this for no reason. enjoy~!

thanks to dane for programming the page and analisa for the AE work.

Friday, August 15, 2008


From the early days of my impressionable youth (like seven) I have held a special love in my heart for postum. A very popular alternative for coffee for LDS homes (which I grew up in) in the early days of the church wide practice of the word of wisdom (1902-ish). As the years went by a substitute for coffee was ever less and less in demand since people gradually left the culture (cafes, tea parties, poetry slams) alone all together, save a few of us stalwarts. Sadly, after one hundred and twelve years the company, Kraft Foods, stopped making Postum last fall because "the demand for it was so low that manufacturing it no longer made sense". Sucks for me. Any way, the only way for me to get the precious stuff is to buy it off eBay which is too expensive, or switch to its wanting imitator Pero. A sad thought for a purist like me. Resigned to my woeful state one morning I was surprised by the second most kind and charitable act of my summer. Sienna and Tony Dittmer had overheard my many laments over the tragic discontinuance and decided to give me their last two unopened jars of the rich blessed goodness! I felt like someone had just given me a panda. Sienna, who frequents the squatterStudio, walked in a few mornings ago, and casually pulled two albino rhinoceroses from her bag and set them on my desk. I was flabbergasted. Suddenly we started doing the Coffee Shop dialog from Pulp Fiction.

It's all yours, Ringo.

Open it.

Jules flips the locks and opens the case, revealing it to
Pumpkin but not to us. The same light SHINES from the case.
Pumpkin's expression goes to amazement. Honey Bunny, across
the room, can't see.

What is it? What is it?

Is that what I think it is?

Jules nods his head: "yes."

It's beautiful.

Jules nods his head: "yes."

Thanks Tony and Sienna. You guys rule. Please don't move to Brazil!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Children Kids at Sego

The title says it all, but cannot express just how happy we are to be a part of Sego this year. Children Kids has been invited to help promote the festival through our own personalized Sego ads, as well as show up in full force with a booth to showcase the splendid splendids we have been working so very, very hard on. The dates are Friday September 26th and Saturday September 27th at the castle on the mountain behind the State Hospital, Provo, Utah, U.S.A., Earth, Milky Way Galaxy, Universe, Flying Spaghetti Monster's Eye. More information on this joyous event is sure to follow.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

it’s about time, isn’t it?!

A few days ago I took a couple hours off from the grueling work here at sqatterStudios to go have lunch with my lady-girlfriend-wife, Suzie (third from the left). We went to this super sketchy Asian Buffet on Center Street in Provo that maybe I will refrain from naming—save to say that it’s name is super cliché Asian. I had never seen a soul enter that restaurant before, but we were feeling brave and so we ventured in.
We were greeted coolly: “Buffet or menu?”—though it was really more like a statement than a question. Following the adventurous vein, we chose the former. And ate quickly and spoke in uncomfortable whispers in the empty room while the staff waited with tired, yet piercing eyes for us to finish our plates.
The highlight of the meal—aside from the banging Mongolian chicken and the heavy as rock jell-o, was the prize awaiting me in my fortune cookie dessert:


and then, wait for it…

the numbers:

even has my lucky three…
no one take them, they’re mine.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Bad Blogger, Bad!

We've been busy here at squatterStudios with episode one, but that's no excuse for abandoning the blog. No posts since last week, and I take full responsibility. I'm asking all who read this to post a comment suggesting the form of punishment I should endure. When I gather them all up, I will focus all of the most dreadful ideas on this puppy who represents all of my sins. If it makes you feel any better, he is a very bad puppy and deserves all that he gets. So don't hold back, because I too, have been a very bad manboy.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Have a great weekend... with your very own Zak.

photo courtesy of Leo Patrone

Back in June I started hanging out with the Children Kids crew as some kind of project manager. I love being in the studio with them and since I can't illustrate, animate, compose music or even use Photoshop very well I decided to use my sewing machine to introduce Zak to the world.

(You may recall that he has since been featured on a fantastic sewing blog.)

I got the idea from the top seller on Etsy. The Black Apple sells these great and simple handmade dolls, along with a lot of other cool paintings, prints, cards, and the like. Her Etsy shop is on hold until she moves from Georgia to Oregon so you can hang out at her blog in the mean time.

She was also featured on Martha Stewart's show not too long ago. So I made a tutorial for Zak, very similar to hers. If you decide to make your own Zak, this video will be helpful, although Zak has one more layer since he wears a shirt and pants instead of a dress.

Here's my first sewing tutorial ever. The pattern pieces should be enlarged 200%. If you have trouble sizing your Zak the way you want him to be, just email me and I'll send you the original PDFs.

Materials Needed:
white felt
flesh colored canvas or cotton
orange cotton (ours has a little bit of stretch)
denim (ours came from an old pair of Micah's jeans)
sewing machine or thread and needle (we used a machine)
Black Paint and thin brush

Pattern Pieces:
enlarge 200% after clicking on images

How To:
(click to enlarge)

*Please note that these dolls (much like our cartoon) are not intended for children. Who knows if they are safe or not? I don't know how "they" decide these things, but we didn't ask "them" so we don't know...