Sunday, August 31, 2008

An Update for you, yes you! Hooray!

A man recently approached me and said “Yo Joseph, why no posts in the last month?”, and without giving me a chance to reply, he promptly kicked me in the crotch, dropping me like a sack-full of dead mice. As I sat there, pondering the pain, the question he asked began to take root. Guilt seized me, as I knowingly had shirked my duty to keep the Children Kids fans up to date on our progress, thus, making the crotch in my heart hurt more than the crotch that was kicked. But I needed to chase that guilt away with more important matters, like, "Who could I kick in the crotch?" After a couple of sleepless nights trying to remember all who have wronged me, and ranking them in order from who deserves the hardest kick to the crotch, down to those who just needed to be threatened with one, the crotch in my brain started to ache so I consulted with a dear friend on how to remedy my problems. Our walk and talk began badly as we both stepped in dog crap, but we walked and talked on. He told me that I needed to stop wasting time and energy on revenge lists. He told me that I was a negative person, and needed to focus on more positive things. This made the crotch in my pride hurt. A distraction was needed, so I swung my leg upwards ever upwards, in an attempt to kick him in the crotch, but he was expecting it, and had already made his move. His foot was well on its way to making contact with my crotch. My fear was realized, as the pain from the solid boot to the groin somehow made a blood vessel burst in my eye. This attack made the crotch in my crotch hurt. My friend slash crotch assassin helped me to my feet, but the pain was too much and I passed out. I awoke, sitting across from my friend in a booth at Denny’s with blueberry pancakes in front of me. As I sat there, grateful for pancakes, I looked out the window and could only see one set of dog crap footprints on the sidewalk. I turned to my friend and asked why there was only one set of dog crap foot prints, to which he replied, “It was then that I carried you...and you threw up blood all over my back.”

Also, Children Kids is coming along. More updates to follow.


jbiz said...

Joseph, you are a strange one!

Berk Frei said...

i am going to read this in my next talk at church.